From soup to nuts: Our Tops of 18

Try to Top these:

Now that’s how you keep the bears away. | Weekender Wayne likes show tunes. Submitted by the non-play goers.

Trip Soup | Entrée at Shifflet’s Riverside menu: ‘One Trip Soup & Salad Bar.’ (‘Waiter, can you carelessly walk this around again to make sure it’s been properly tripped?’) Copy of Strunk and White and an armload of hyphens are being rushed over.

Why would you go to Richland Center? | Lodge Owner Jennifer, mystified

I’ve handled fifth graders before. | Lon, our patient to-a-point Richland Center guide.

It used to be a strip club. | Guide Lon, when asked if Honker’s Supper Club is recommended. Submitted by Bryan

It comes from rain. | Ed. Submitted by Bryan

The entire weekend was beyond my expectation … The food was terrible, the conversations were not funny, the people were not friendly. Let’s do it again next year. | “Bob” (possible actual initials: MM)

Directionally challenged caravans | DD

“Turn around.” | See above.

How do you spell Hi Cue? Or Hi Q? | Submitted by Wayne

You drove in from where last night? | No cancelled flight is going to hold back Weekender Bryan, not when there’s a Hertz and two Israeli hitchhikers in Cleveland available.

Zip! Zap! Zop! | MJ. Let word go forth of the newest Weekend tradition, ha-ha warm-ups to take place following the mandatory Friday reading of the Articles of War.

Biggest tragedy since the Taliesin murders. | Imagined headline if the Weekend stargazers had been less nimble.

I don’t want to play anymore. And you need to get me out of here. | Weekender Tommye offers to give up her LRC seat to another player. But the tightly packed seats did not wish to cooperate.

And when two lovers woo, they still say woo-woo-woo. | At Mike’s Café Americain.

The only sance available was a Renai. | Bryan on Detroit. Submitted by Mike

I don’t see very well. | Driver Tommye breaking the news to her hitchhiker.

Did you bring the cheese, Deb? | At Weggy’s, Sharon with the annual cheese conveyance quote.

Mentholated wines. | Sometimes local products are better left to the locals.

The Mick Move. | When asked how the ashy chardonnay tastes while still at the winery, inconspicuously rub your upper lip before ending with index finger pointing down.

X. | Poet in Mineral Point non-verbally expressing his opinion of the traditional haiku formula. (See “Afterku”)

Voted Top of the Tops:

Why are you asking me? I’m not the docent. | Bryan has been vested with the Docent-of-the-Day emblems of office; YOS is feeling liberated. Submitted by Ed.

I’ve been ginned. | Sharon’s announcement of victimhood on Saturday night.

Is that Mistor Fog? | Soup or salad? Spoken English can get tricky.

I have to finish the other half. | Ed had been called back early by his Name Game team while taking a – break.

What the hell is the Constitution, let alone the Preamble … Who the hell is the Lt. Governor of Illinois? And why? | Some of the test takers of the “Know Your Government” GoH contest did not impress Principal Hoffman. Submitted by Wayne

Has Mike seen his ducks? | First comment by Lodge Owner Jeff — about photos for a stamp contest — after nearly transforming four Weekenders into speed bumps on their Perseid-watching gravel bed. Submitted by Bryan

Slow the f*** down! | Deb’s blurt immediately preceding the duck query (see above).

We’ve graduated from dithering to equivocating. | Ed, in Richland Center

You were right to wet yourself. | Not satisfied as only Camp Comedy Coach, Deb entertained us with more than one fluid-based episode. Starting on the driveway in Glen Ellyn.

And by acclamation – The #1 Top:

“Which one is the brake?” | Nursing home escapee Tommye, after her hitchhiker Sharon pleaded for a break from their disturbing road trip

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